You were never a twinkle in my eye.

I am sorry to say, but for a long time you were never a twinkle in my eye.

You were more a nervous twitch, that never went away, a tugging in my heart that I wanted to ignore, because I wasn't 'motherly'. I didn't start to long for you until it became clear I might not ever meet you.

Suddenly my years of laughing off the 'when will you have kids question' became some kind of twisted karma.
Overnight in my bones I knew I needed you. But I didn't really know why.

I do now.

My life teacher, my soul speaker, my heart talker, my vulnerability rocker.
Your arrival awakened me in the best way.

Even in the season before, where you kept us guessing, you were teaching me.
To let go, to listen, to wait.

How do I let you know that your life's work so far is so much more than development milestones.
That your tiny hands have pulled my voice so strongly back to the surface.
That your little heart has filled mine time and time again.

That every time I see your little legs I dream of all the places they will take you and my heart aches, because I will always need you.

But if you can have half the impact on the world that you've had on my soul in your short life so far.
Then I will let you go, the journey ahead of you is going to be the best thing I ever witness.

I'm so glad you exist.

By our gorgeous contributing writer HannaH Findlay.

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