Contact Us

 

Get in touch:

Name *
Name
 
I placed you gently in your bed tonight. Your eyes were beginning to blink slowly and become heavy as you were fighting sleep. As your body touched the cot sheets your back arched slightly, craving to stay in the comfort of my arms. I walked out of the room slowly, trying not to turn the handle too fast to avoid that same creaky noise it always does, and has done for years ,when your sisters were babies. Yet we’ve never got it fixed. 20 mins later I heard you. It wasn’t just a whimper- it was that cry that was screaming for me, for reassurance and yelling my name. I still had a mouthful of dinner and I went to you, loudly opening the creaky door and picked you up. Instantly you stopped crying and the tension left your body. You turned your face and body to mine with weary eyes and stared into mine. I sat down in our rocking chair in the dark. It was enough to still see your eyes staring at me with what felt like every cell of your body. You remained staring at me until your eyes began to close and your breathing became slow and steady. Your body no longer feeds from me - yet I’m still your home. You no longer fit just on my lap. Your limbs are now spilling over onto the chair. You are my third baby and I’ve done this ‘drill’ before - hundreds of times - but tonight it feels different. These nights are now numbered, and these moments, which are heaven on earth, have often been disguised as tediousness. I stayed extra long tonight, watching you. I stared at your closed eyes, afraid to blink, wondering how many more moments like these I will be blessed with. . . Gem Douglas @themotherhoodprojectnz
♥️
This is for you. The one who feels drained from the negative thoughts and feelings you never thought you’d have around motherhood. The one who feels like the road out of this phase is too long with no end in sight. The one who is so tired you struggle stringing a sentence together let alone cooking a meal or having a shower. The one who spends your nights up and down, lying on your child’s floor dreaming of the days when you can sleep in your own bed, uninterrupted. The one who is trying so hard to make the most of these ‘magical’ motherhood days everyone keeps talking about but all you feel is the mundane. You are not alone in these thoughts, and as cliché as it sounds, it does get better. Negative thoughts will still come – but you will get stronger and engage with them less. This phase will pass onto another and there will be some you don’t want to end. Your child will sleep eventually, through the night even, and the in-print of your hand on their back will be with them forever. You will experience the magic amongst the mundane, the pure gold moments more and more…And you will feel it and believe it when they say – It’s all worth it. Let yourself cry in the bad moments and celebrate the great moments, as mothers we feel deeply, for we are feeling for another. Whether you are surviving or thriving every bit of this journey is important to you – just know you are not alone mama.♥️ . . Gem x @themotherhoodprojectnz Artwork @joolsannie
One of my favourites. When we stop listening to the unnecessary noise around us, we start to tune into who is right in front of us. ♥️
Dear Mum, There is so much I didn’t understand back then, but now I do. I never understood why sometimes you would look at me for the longest time. Now I know, you were wanting time to stand still. I never understood why you would say you just wanted 5 minutes of peace and quiet, when being loud and messy was much more fun. I never understood why you would tell me to “always be kind”, when my brother was so annoying! Now I know, that nothing could make a mother more proud. I never understood why sometimes you would sit with your head in your hands. Now I understand, you were hiding your tears. I never understood why I missed you for what felt like days. Now I understand, you were working around the clock just to keep us afloat. I never understood why you seemed upset that I didn’t like my doll you got me one Christmas. After all, it wasn’t the one I asked for. Now I understand, it was the next best affordable option. I never understood why we had a big house then one day it became much smaller. Now I understand that even as a single mother, you put our needs for school zoning ahead of the comfort of a larger home. I never understood why when I was hurt I only wanted you. Now I do, you’re the safest place I’ve ever known. I never understood why in so many photos your dressy outfit was always the same. Now I know, because ours were always different. I never understood why it hurt you so much when I slammed doors or yelled at you growing up. Now I do, and it hurts me too. I never understood why you cried on my first overseas trip alone. Now I know, the worry never stops. I never understood why sometimes your hugs lasted that little bit longer. Now I know, you needed one more than me. I didn’t understand so much back then, but now I do. You’re my hero, I love you. I understand everything now.♥️ . From our beautiful contributing writer Jess Urlichs. @lifewithharryandholly
My mantra today. ‘There is always enough time.’ ♥️ Loved this quote by Lauren Gaskill via The Life on Purpose Movement @thelifeonpurposemovement .
This is me two days after my first born. The night after she clustered fed all night. The bags under my eyes says it all, and the smile. Postpartum is hard. It’s wonderful but it’s also hard. A lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Through one of the most exhausting, soul touching and challenging moments of our lives we have another being that is completely relying on us for everything. This little one still believes we are one - in a way we still feel it too, and a part of us always will be. They crave our skin, our love (and our body for food if we choose) to feel safe, loved and comforted. Pregnancy is just the beginning, we are only just entering the arena. Sometimes postpartum hits us straight away with waves of overwhelm as we deal with traumatic birth, mental and emotional overload, feeding and sleeping troubles. For others, this hits months down the track, both need help, strategies and support. Having a baby is wonderful and for the majority of us, it’s still hard. It’s important we think about who is in the arena with us as we enter our postpartum phase. Let’s start informing and preparing our sisterhood of soon to be mothers that pregnancy is a time to prepare for not just our baby arriving but for our own postpartum journey. Having a plan in place means that we have options, strategies, we have contacts, we have support through this transformation. I recently talked to a new mum who had a birth doula come in and just help in whatever way she could - even washing and dishes. There is help out there. Another mum friend of mine was struggling with an incredibly unsettled baby for months and www.mothershelper.co.nz contacted her and brought her dinners. There is help out there♥️ Let’s also not forget about the mothers having their 2nd, 3rd or 6th babies, those transitions are hard too. Postpartum can be beautiful and a lot of it is, it can also be really hard and a lot of it is too. Tag a mama who might appreciate reading this💖
‘A good enough mother’ is a term by Donald Winnicott a British paediatrician & psychoanalyst in 1953. In Winnicott’s book ‘Playing & Reality’ he theorized that motherhood is a balancing act of devoting ourselves entirely to our child yet also enabling moments when we do not conform to all of our child’s wishes. Winnicott studied thousands of mothers and babies and discovered the following - When a baby is born we naturally devote entirely to their needs and sacrifice many of our own. Winnicott states in early months (also referred to many as the 4th trimester) our baby believes they are still one with us, no external world, he calls it ‘the world of illusion.’ For us it can almost feel the same, our baby can feel like they are still ‘one with us.’ Winnicott discovered that as time goes by, we can allow (or this naturally happens) her baby to experience small moments of frustration (small & measured) yet still be empathetic & loving & states this is just as important as the times we are fully responsive to their needs. This enables our child to realise they are separate from us and is something called the external world to explore. It helps our child in very small measured ways begin to realize that the world does not revolve around them. This generally happens naturally with many of us because of multiple children, work pressures and the general busy-ness of life. Winnicot discovered that our child begins to realize that all their needs and wants are not always met immediately and encourages independence, strategies and confidence to develop when they are faced with the unknown, (all within a protected and loving environment.) In other words, as long as our child feels loved, secure and trusts we will always be there, in the moments that we are not perfect is ok, they are learning and growing also. Forgive yourself when things don’t go right. We are not meant to be perfect mothers, perfect mothers don’t exist. We are real and that is enough when we have the best intentions. If you would like to read more on this: ‘Playing and Reality’ by Donald Winnicott. ‘What is a good enough mother’ by Marilyn Wedge PHD. Gemma Douglas @themotherhoodprojectnz